Here's your outfield list for this weekend's home matchup against the JOJA BOODAWGS. It was a busy week, so some things were hastily thrown together. This means that it is up to all of you to improve it. Get to hecklin'!
#12 Zach Cone-Zach's father (Ronny) and Brother(Kevin) play[ed] football a Georgia Tech. Zach picked UGA. This is probably why his Mom (Janet) is sleeping with so many of y'all in the outfield #AmIRight!?!? #ImSoRight
He's from Stone Mountain, the dilapidated confederate version of Mount Rushmore which has reduced itself to shitty nightly laser shows, 90's techno, and bright green American flags projected onto the walls of a rock while "Proud to be an American" is yelled by you and your closest 500 redneck friends. I'll get off my soap box.
#45 Chase Davidson-Only batted .189 last year, so I find it hard to imagine he'll start. However, if he does, remind him of that hitting percentage, and suggest that he probably should have taken the third-round cash to play for the Astros. At least there, his mediocrity would be celebrated. His mother's name is Judi. He is majoring in Pre-Business. How does that happen? I understand Pre-Med/Law, as there is a necessary next step. But to run a business, you don't even really need a Post-Business degree. Also, at risk of outing my identity, I am becoming increasingly upset by the fact that all of these players are younger than me. This kid was born in the 90's...THE NINETIES.
#40 Matt Lowery-Has a hot girlfriend. I might update in the comments section if I can find her name. Matt's favorite show is Jersey Shore, and he loves music by Angels and Airwaves, Mayday Parade, Cobra Starship, and Jack's Mannequin. So, if anyone is looking for a hot girlfriend, Matt's isn't getting any from him. He is the son of Dan and Sherry Lowery.
#2 Johnathan Taylor-Johnathan doesn't look ANYTHING like the Home Improvement Star that all of our sister's liked when we were growing up. He's black. But I'd imagine "Does anyone ever tell you that you look like Johnathan Taylor Thomas?" might be funny. Son of John and Tandra Taylor.
#16 Peter Verdin Son of Peter and Patty Verdin. From Alexandria, Virginia. Can't find much about the kid, honestly. Sucks, too because he'll likely play. Do work fellow leakers.
#11 Conor Welton-Freshman. Used to be a quarterback in high school. Probably bummed to play baseball, and it's doubtful that's why he's really at UGA. Probably won't play anyway. His dad was a safety on the 1980 NC UGA Football team.
#15 Austin Wheeler- I'm not crazy about posting photos, but when one like this shows up, I feel that it's my hating duty. Please, accept my dearest apology for what you are about to witness. Yeah, Austin's manboobs are peeking out of that pokemon blanket.
And I leave you with that, fellow Cuppers. As always, feel free to add on, edit, and kick ass. It's your one job, and in this recession some ain't got none, so do yours well.
Keep Drinkin' That Haterade!
